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Writer's picture Shalini Rao

How you give to others, determines your happiness

Updated: Jun 26, 2021

I always thought about what to give others to make them feel loved, cared for, and happy. It never occurred to me that it is not what we give to others, but how we give matters.


Dhanurveda talks about the act of giving with no attachment to the outcome.


Consider holding a bow and an arrow. If we hold the bow string very very still, we establish being more silent, more self-aware of our inner-space. And if we then pull back the bow string to release the arrow, then there is a high probability that the arrow shall hit our target.





But if we are moving the bow wildly, we cannot be sure where the arrow is going to land.


Similarly, if we establish our being still and then take action from that place, the action shall be transformational and we can break any old emotional patterns, physiological patterns, etc.


The Eudaimonic way of giving means giving with zero expectation from the other, whereas Hedonic way of giving is with a certain expectation of return in the form of acknowledgement or appreciation, or reciprocation.


The golden rule of Ayurveda is to take any action being established in your inner truth, the true Ayurveda of you, and not be attached to the fruits of your actions.


Research has shown now that the Eudaimonic way of giving has a positive effect on our genetic code. The body and mind are at peace as there is absolutely no anxiety or expectation from others. A eudaimonic approach is the pursuit of personal fulfillment and a realizing of man's potential. Volunteering to help others, for example, would improve well-being because it is contributing to one's own community. Eudaimonia is the highest human good, the only human good that is desirable for its own sake (as an end in itself) rather than for the sake of something else (as a means toward some other end). ...


Hedonic giving is achieved with an expectation of experiences of pleasure and enjoyment. In today’s culture, hedonic happiness is often championed as the ultimate goal. Popular culture tends to portray an outgoing, social, joyous view of life, and as a result, people often believe that hedonism in its various forms is the best way to achieve happiness. Hedonic ways of giving can lead to a negative effect on our genetic code and so on our body and mind. The researchers note that when people focus on an outcome, such as getting paid, they can easily compare outcomes, which diminishes their sensitivity to each experience. When people focus on an action, such as donating to a charity, they may focus less on comparison and instead experience each act of giving as a unique happiness-inducing event.


Next time, I am planning to give something to others, I shall focus more on how I give rather than what I am giving. And I am sure, you shall do the same after reading this.


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